Have I always been this stupid? Seriously…maybe I was born just a little bit “special” and no one ever noticed cause I was usually pretty lucky. I don’t know though, when I was a kid people always used to say how smart I was. Maybe they were just being nice?

I bet it was too many nights of partying too hard that fried all my brain cells leaving me in this condition. I guess it really doesn’t matter. Whatever the cause, the effect is not good.

Could these be the early signs of senility?

Last week I was attempting to make a right turn on red. I was watching the traffic coming from my left, waiting for a spot to fit into. I was not watching the jogger on my right, waiting for the crosswalk signal to turn for him. His signal turned as soon as my traffic let up. The result was near disaster. I tapped the dude. With my car! He was a good sport about it. I obviously hadn’t hurt him. He patted the hood of my car heartily, then waved as he jogged in front of my car and the others…a smile on his face the whole time. This incident left me wondering if they should take my license away like they do the elderly.

But that little gem doesn’t quite hold a candle to what I did yesterday. Yesterday I knocked myself out…with a garage door.

Brian and his brother Brandon were finishing up a project they had been working on for the last few weekends; a platform bed for Brandon’s apartment. They were in the process of spraying multiple coats of lacquer, taking breaks in between to let it dry. They decided to break for lunch and were talking about ordering pizza from this awesome little Sicilian place down the road. I told them I had a menu in my car and ran out through the garage to fetch it. The smell of lacquer was overwhelming even though they had the garage door open about three quarters of the way. Maybe I was high on the fumes. Maybe that’s my excuse. Or, maybe it was the change in brightness, coming from the artificial light inside the house out into the midday sunlight. Maybe it was a combination of both that caused me to run face first into the garage door, knocking myself over, and out.

Whatever the reason, that’s how it went down. That’s how I went down, I should say.

Today I show the marks of my battle: a blood blister over my right eye, a knot on my forehead…you can still see the imprint of the raised panel. I think I may have knocked one of my teeth loose too.

I feel like a complete idiot.

The only reason I am telling the story is because I realize how comical it is from anyone elses’ perspective. You should have heard Brian and his brother trying to hold in their laughter until they knew I would be alright. I know I would laugh if it had happened to one of them.

But I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’m starting to slip. Mentally. Are there some kind of strengthening exercises I can do to get my brain back in working order? Will they work? Cause at this point I’m thinking I need supervision.

Hopefully I’ve learned my lessons and will start paying better attention to my surroundings. I can only try…

One Response to “K.O.”

  1. You’re awesome!

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